Just and Holy Principles

[Pres. Obama reviews his family tree with Church leaders]

In Part 2 of this series, we learned why the family should be the fundamental unit of society. In this post, we’ll learn why the natural family is more likely to succeed than any other family structure.

The stability of any structure (e.g., building, bridge, organization) depends on the materials that make it up and on how it is built. The same principles apply to the family. In times of adversity — great or small — some families waver and even fall whereas others stand firm. The strongest family structure is the natural family — biological father, mother, and children.

This isn’t to say that other family structures can’t succeed or that the natural family is perfect but that the structure of the natural family is the most likely to stand firm through the inevitable storms of life. Why?

To begin, the complementarity that exists between male and female, or father and mother, provides the best physical, social, and emotional atmosphere for raising healthy, productive children. Dr. Dean Byrd says that generally fathers are more firm and rely more on rules and principles, whereas mothers are more intuitive and responsive and are more willing to bargain or negotiate. According to Byrd:

Men stress justice, fairness, and duty based on rules while women stress understanding, sympathy, care, and assistance based on relationships … no reputable theory or empirical study that denies the critical importance of mothers to the healthy development of children can be found in the professional literature. Recent researchers have concluded that fathers are critical to the healthy development of children as well.

Therefore, children with one parent or with two parents of the same sex do not benefit from the balanced care that comes with this complementarity. Also, children of same-sex parents often experience gender confusion, among other problems. For example, according to Byrd’s research, “lesbian mothers have a feminizing effect on their sons and a masculinizing effect on their daughers.”

When a family has two parents whose gender identities complement one another and the parents love and care for their children, the family can bear greater stress. In the words of Paul Mero:

“The natural family structure is highly elastic. Single-parent homes are not very elastic. That is, the natural family structure can bear tremendous loads of force while bending but not breaking … Larger, more tightly knit, families reaching across generations are able to bear heavier loads. A community of such families will be stronger than a community of families comprised of alternative structural materials and non-complementary structures. On a much larger scale, this same science of elasticity works as well for nations or civilizations. Highly elastic family structures will endure the ages; less elastic family structures will die off through the ages.”

As we have been warned, “the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets” (Family Proclamation). We should do all we can to create, develop, and encourage sturdy natural families that stretch across generations.

What do you think?

Related posts:
Intro-The Family
Part 1-The Family: How to Define It
Part 2-The Family: The Fundamental Unit

Part 2 is based mostly on the ideas of Allan Carlson and Paul Mero from the book Preserving Sacred Ground. They ask:

If you could create society the way you think it should be, what would that society be centered around? The individual? The church? The corporation? The state? Or the family?

Which unit of society do you think should be the fundamental unit? Let’s look at each one briefly to determine the best answer.

Individual
Society increasingly revolves around the individual. “What do I want? What do I need?” According to Carlson and Mero, “In a world where the individual is the fundamental unit, people are socially isolated. Culturally, they are narcissistic…Politically, they are very utilitarian or, we might say today, libertarian.” Individualism tears apart families and communities. It is manifested in ever greater numbers of cohabitation, divorce, and same-sex relationships. Carlson and Mero also make the following analogy:

Sand is nothing more than atomized stone. Though substantial in the aggregate, it is no more than the accidental product of stones and shells as they slowly disintegrate. Individualism as a force is no more than the atomization of the family unit. Individualism is the sand; family is the stone.

Just as the foolish man built his house upon the sand and it fell, society will fall if it is built upon the sand (the individual) rather than upon the rock (the family).

To read some great quotes from the Brethren on individualism and the family go here.

Church
Though religious institutions do much good to promote morality, selflessness, and happiness, the church cannot be the fundamental unit because the family existed before the church. The best role for the church is to complement the family — to provide opportunities for learning and religious expression. It is in the family that religion has the best opportunity to flourish; “the family is the perfect home for God.”

Corporation
The main purpose of any corporation or business is to exchange goods and services and to create wealth. These activities are not inherently bad; in fact, they can help individuals and families obtain what they need to live, fulfill their responsibilities, and enjoy life. And yet, life is about much more than buying a car, getting a haircut, or saving for retirement; thus, the corporation cannot be the fundamental unit of society.

State
Government is necessary to help provide order for society, but history teaches us that when society revolves around government society fails. Totalitarian regimes such as Nazi Germany, the Soviet Union, and Communist China have tried to gain control over individuals by eliminating marriage and family as a significant structure. In a government-centered society, people tend to become just another roadblock between government and its social goals, whereas in a family-centered society government exists to serve people and promote healthy families.

Family
Each of the units we’ve discussed plays an important part in our lives, but the family must be the center of it all.

Carlson and Mero nicely sum up the importance of the family as the fundamental unit:

All facets of life are enriched when we choose the natural family as the fundamental unit of society. Our social life is richer — we experience broad diversity within a context of stable familiarity. Our cultural life is richer — we are better able to take advantage of generational experience and the lessons of tradition. Our political life is richer — strong, autonomous families maximize the best functions of democracy. Our economic life is richer — we work with lasting purpose, cooperatively and altruistically, for others and not just for ourselves. And our spiritual life is richer — we are motivated to become our better selves as we give birth and nurturing to the rising generations

The natural family is the key to the fullness of life. It does what no other organizing principle can do — it makes everything around it better, it amplifies the best elements of all other institutions. It is the foundation of ordered liberty.

What do you think?

Related posts:
Intro-The Family
Part 1-The Family: How to Define It

Photo credit: freeparking

What is a family? Father, mother, and children? Single mother and child? Grandfather and grandchildren? Two men committed to sharing their lives? Any group of people living in the same household?

Society’s view of the family likely includes most of these relational arrangements, if not all of them. In the beginning , God ordained marriage as the union of man and woman, leaving their father and mother to become one flesh. Of course, God’s sanctioning of marriage and family is only an affirmation of what is natural.

The first man and woman on earth, whether one believes in the biblical account of Adam and Eve or not, needed to procreate in order to continue their species. Undoubtedly, a man and woman who combine to create another living soul feel a strong desire to care for it. So, they work together to provide for its physical, social, emotional, and spiritual needs. A family is born — naturally.

The parents care for the child until he or she is mature enough to leave them and cleave to his or her spouse. Of course, if the species is to continue to perpetuate itself, then the son or daughter must follow the natural pattern which preceded, created, and prepared him or her, by joining with a person of the opposite gender. And the process repeats itself, generation after generation. This brings us to the definition of the family. In the words of Paul Mero, “The true tests of a functional family structure are both that it lasts through generations and that it doesn’t need the state to create it.”

1. The family lasts through generations. As I’ve described, the natural family reproduces itself and cares for each of its members generation after generation, passing blood, traits, knowledge, and assets down a line of inheritance. The family has “a past and a future tied together intergenerationally.”

2. The family doesn’t need the state to create it. Government does not create families, it only recognizes and affirms what already exists in nature and offers protection for it and encourages it. Any relational arrangement that requires state sanction to be designated a family (e.g. same-sex marriage) is not a natural family. The family is prior to the state.

There may be variations within the structure of the natural family. For example, a parent may die or a couple may be infertile. As the Proclamation says, “disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.” One specific adaptation is adoption. When a family cannot care for one of its children, for whatever reason, then the child may need to become part of another family that can care for it.

As we celebrate this Memorial Day, we remember those who have gone before us. To a great extent, this holiday is a manifestation of our human desire to recognize and appreciate the intergenerational bonds that connect us with one another. It is one way to honor and encourage the perpetuation of the natural family — man, woman, and children.

What do you think?

*I recognize that there are a lot of issues related to this topic that could be addressed. I’ve chosen to keep these posts simple — addressing one basic question or idea at a time — in order to keep them concise and focused. Please feel free to bring up related questions or ideas in the comments section.

Related posts:
Intro-The Family
Part 2-The Family: The Fundamental Unit

Photo by Steve Polyak

The Family: A Proclamation to the World declares that the family is “the fundamental unit of society.” It also urges us “to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen” it as such. This call to action brings up two common questions: 1) Why is the family the fundamental unit of society? and 2) Which measures can I promote to help maintain and strengthen it?

In conversations with Latter-day Saint friends, I’ve discovered that most of them believe that the traditional family — one man, one woman, and children — should be the fundamental unit of society, but many of them find it difficult to explain why. Their opinion is often based solely on Church doctrine or official statements from the Church.

Without a doubt, following the Prophet is the right thing to do, even if a person doesn’t completely understand why the Prophet says what he says. But it is also important to try to understand his counsel and teachings the best we can and to learn to explain our beliefs to others.

Often, people feel in their hearts that something is right but have a hard time supporting their feelings with rational arguments, which is often the case with defending the family. At times, we simply may not be able to explain some beliefs using rational thought or logic — not because they aren’t true but because they are spiritual in nature and thus can only be discerned through the Spirit. This is not the case, however, with understanding the importance of the family. There is both a spiritual and a rational basis for promoting the family as the fundamental unit of society.

For this reason, I’m going to publish a series of posts that present rational arguments for why the family is, and should continue to be, the fundamental unit of society. If you find yourself among those Latter-day Saints who believe in the importance of promoting the family but also want to square your thoughts with your heart on this issue and share your beliefs with others, then I hope the arguments I present will help you do so.

Please contribute your ideas to the discussion to help make it as meaningful as possible for all who participate. I’ll publish Part 1 sometime this weekend.

What do you think?

Related posts:

Part 1-The Family: How to Define It
Part 2-The Family: The Fundamental Unit

Utah Governor Jon Huntsman, Jr. (R) recently reaffirmed his support of civil unions. We know that the Church has opposed same-sex marriage, but what is its position on civil unions? There has been some confusion regarding this matter, which I hope to clear up here.

The Deseret News reported that Elder Clayton, Church spokesman during the Prop. 8 battle, said that “in general, the church ‘does not oppose civil unions or domestic partnerships,’ that involve benefits like health insurance and property rights.” However, when questioned about the Common Ground Initiative, an effort to promote civil unions and other benefits for homosexuals, the Church did not take a public position. Instead, it said “we have tried to clearly define the principles regarding the importance of marriage and its attending issues.” So, let’s take a look at the Church’s most official statements regarding marriage.

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” emphasizes that sexual relations, marriage, and parenting should be between only man and woman, husband and wife, but does not mention civil unions. It does say, “We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” Would civil unions “maintain and strengthen the family” — as the Brethren have defined it — “as the fundamental unit of society”? Let’s look at another statement.

In the Church Newsroom, there is an official statement on same-gender attraction. It’s an interview with Elder Oaks and Elder Wickman (member of the Seventy). In response to the question, “Would you extend the same argument against same-gender marriage to civil unions or some kind of benefits short of marriage?”, Elder Wickman replied:

One way to think of marriage is as a bundle of rights associated with what it means for two people to be married. What the First Presidency has done is express its support of marriage and for that bundle of rights belonging to a man and a woman. The First Presidency hasn’t expressed itself concerning any specific right. It really doesn’t matter what you call it. If you have some legally sanctioned relationship with the bundle of legal rights traditionally belonging to marriage and governing authority has slapped a label on it, whether it is civil union or domestic partnership or whatever label it’s given, it is nonetheless tantamount to marriage. That is something to which our doctrine simply requires us to speak out and say, “That is not right. That’s not appropriate.” (emphasis added)

Another publication, The Divine Institution of Marriage, does not mention civil unions specifically. It does outline some of the possible negative effects if “government declares that same-sex unions are a civil right” or allows “single-sex unions” or “non-traditional unions,” but it doesn’t distinguish specifically between civil unions and marriage.

To summarize, based on official public statements, the Church seems to oppose any type of civil union that bestows “the bundle of legal rights traditionally belonging to marriage” on same-gender couples, which likely includes most any type of “civil union” or “domestic partnership.” As for particular rights within that bundle, the Church stated during the Prop 8 debate that it “does not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.” To me, this statement means that the Church could support, or at least not object to, legal measures that grant certain rights to same-sex couples, depending on the specific language, context, and possible effects of such measures.

In the interview cited above, Elder Wickman also said:

As far as relationships that give to some pairs in our society some right but not all of those associated with marriage — as to that, as far as I know, the First Presidency hasn’t expressed itself. There are numbers of different types of partnerships or pairings that may exist in society that aren’t same-gender sexual relationships that provide for some right that we have no objection to. All that said… there may be on occasion some specific rights that we would be concerned about being granted to those in a same-gender relationship. Adoption is one that comes to mind, simply because that is a right which has been historically, doctrinally associated so closely with marriage and family. I cite the example of adoption simply because it has to do with the bearing and the rearing of children. Our teachings, even as expressed most recently in a very complete doctrinal sense in the Family Proclamation by living apostles and prophets, is that children deserve to be reared in a home with a father and a mother.

In my opinion, the only benefits that meet these requirements and “do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches” are those that do not reference “sexual orientation,” or anything like unto it, in any way. In other words, any rights granted to people in a non-marriage relationship should apply equally to all people without regard to gender, so that same-gender partnerships are not given special consideration over opposite-gender partnerships. Measures that meet the criteria described here may be worthy of consideration, provided that they are also necessary and practical.

What do you think?